The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
