you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
