I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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