New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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