Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
