Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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