Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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