If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
