is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
