Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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