I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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