i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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