So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
