Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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