They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
