Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
