i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
