my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
