You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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