I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
