just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
