There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
