I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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