you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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