You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
