maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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