don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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