There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
