I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
