i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My balls are so social today.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
