i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
