i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
