Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
