I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
