Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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