Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We are all done wearing pants today
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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