Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I want a musical about memes.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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