I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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