I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
