my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
