the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
