Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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