My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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