I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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