is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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