were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
