call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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