he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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