great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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