he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
