doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
